Shaving Not As Easy As It Seems
by Naked Fish
Summary: Shaving is usually an easy thing, right? Well not for Wakka. With his favourite razor gone blunt, he MUST get it sharpened. Chapter 2 is up after my bout of extreme laziness! Ravenous Wooden Donkey gains a larger part in the plot and a visit to Lulu!
1. Ah! Discovering Sharky and his Loss

This short story was written in a half hour, if you're wondering. Where'd I get the idea? A mis-read title. Yes, I read it too fast, and came up with 'Shaving'. I may re-write it if I come back like a month later and realize what crap it is, but until then, read and review! SEND ME YOUR LOVE!

I don't own Final Fantasy, never did, and hopefully in the future, will.

**Shaving**

_'Right, time to get to shaving. Time to shave. Good ol' shavin'.' _ He sighed outwardly. He really wasn't in the mood. _'Come on Wakka! How many kisses would ya get looking like a Yeti?'_ he knew the answer. It was why there was only one Yeti…He took out the familiar sharp blade, Sharky, as he called it. A wood handled razor, on which he'd cut his palm so often he had a permanent reminder of his not-so-good handling of knives. Except today there was a surprise. A loud shriek was heard throughout Besaid, echoing with agony. Toucans flew from their homes by the houses, merchants kept silent for a moment, the market place was soundless, even the crickets and children were hushed for a moment. A blunt blade! After everything he and Sharky had been through…ah the memories…

_His first shave_

12 year old Wakka: My first shave!

_His second shave_

Wakka: My second shave!

But he remembered a freaky old man telling him his blade would break…

_FLASHBACK_

_Old Man: Your blade will break…_

And he remembered being told to use it well…

_FLASHBACK_

_Old Man: Use it well…_

And then he remembered being told to mop the floor…

_FLASHBACK_

_Random Lady: Mop the floor!_

But that might not have been directed at him. And he wasn't sure what it had to do with his Sharky…Ah, but of the good times, also came bad memories. Luckily at the age of 16 he experienced a severe memory lapse and decided to forget all that, so never mind. He now had a mission for the day, and if things got complicated, two days. Yes, he was committed. 

"I swear Sharky, I will have you sharpened! And when I do…I'll shave, ya!" he really had no idea why he had such a thing out loud; nobody was in the hut to hear him. He just liked to hear himself talk. So anyway, away he went strutting out the door with his blunt blade, and making a dramatic pose. The blunt blade even shined in the light! So bright that it made that bright sound, like "zzssiiiiiing!" if you know what I mean. No, not the sharp sound, the sharp sound is "Sching!" it didn't make that sound. But the brightness sound caught his neighbors -who just happened to be Lulu- attention. She was sweeping her front porch. No, I'm not sure why, it is a DIRT path after all. Perhaps she likes her dirt clean, nobody knows for sure. But anyway, Lulu stared at him. And moved her eyes down low. And kept them there for some time. And although it took Wakka some time, he eventually did notice her staring.

"Lu, _what_ are you starin' at?" he asked her angrily. He didn't like staring. He stared at people, but he didn't like them staring at him. It was just plain rude. 

"…Um…perhaps you should put some pants on…" 

A blush crept up his brown cheeks. But he hid it well, with his remarkable deep voice thing. 

"BOXERS are all I need." 

"Well the rest of our eyes need a rest, so PUT ON SOME PANTS!" 

And so he meekly sulked back into his hut.

Well, it had taken some time, but he had at last come to an old mans shanty. The first time, without pants. The second time, he'd remembered, and actually decided to slip some on. Then he had to return home, take off his pants, put on some underwear and put on his pants again. He came to the shanty, and then he thought things would be easier with a belt, and left to buy a belt. After that he'd had to pee, and the nearest isolated tree was across the river, so he had to swim across pee while maneuvering around a tree to avoid some randomly naked bathing women who would get the wrong idea from seeing him, and swam back across. Then he found he left Sharky back at home, so he returned and had to walk all the way back to the shanty. Then he decided he was a little sweaty, so he went home to have a shower and came back. Now, finally, he was here. He rapped his knuckles against the door, but since it was actually a cheap-ass sheet, he accidentally pushed open the door. 

"Hey, didn't anyone teach you to knock before entering?" An old, smelly man remarked angrily from a dark corner. 

"Tried, but it's a cloth." The old man made some strange noise, something between a radish squeezing between two vinyl couches and a birthing north Bevelleian pure bred wheelbarrow rolling down a bitumen slide. Yes, Wakka is very accurate with these things. 

"Why couldn't you try the tree?" 

Wakka thought for a moment. 

"It may disturb the termites or a nest of angry Toucans, ya?" he was quite proud of his answer.

"Well couldn't ya give me some warning?" 

"I tried, ya? But you're cloth door was more cloth-y than those in west Besaid." 

"Oh? Well then why- - OH FOR YEVONS SAKE! What kind of a conversation is this?" the old man finally realized his and his visitor's stupidity, and went on to crawl out of the shadows. With his hands. Yes, he was a legless old man. Born on the day of leglessness, although now denounced by Yuna, conqueror of evil Yevon who announced the funny, and the sad days. Normally, mothers would've held out on the day of leglessness, but his was a die hard Yevonite and was going to birth her son on a special day, and have his legs specially cut off! AT THE TENDER AGE OF 0.24567893ths OF A SECOND! Evil whore. 

"Not sure. But anyway, could you sharpen my blade? I really need to shave." 

The old man stared. 

_Why has this **stupid, ****stupid man come to me? Why does he assume that I would have any knowledge on sharpening razors? What, did he just randomly pick a house?**_

"Did you randomly pick a house?" 

"…perhaps…" 

A new sound, only slightly resembling the sound between a radish squeezing between two vinyl couches and a birthing north Bevelleian pure bred wheelbarrow rolling down a bitumen slide was heard. 

"You could be injured makin' dat noise, sir."

He had to run shortly after that, as a wild, ravenous wooden donkey flew towards his head. 

"AH! DONKEY!"

And it was to get to be a harder day yet…for the donkey, I mean. For this donkey was to multiply, into thousand of billions of--- oh damn. I just gave away a potential twist, didn't I? Bloody hell. Oh well, these things happen. Hopefully I'll remember to come back and delete that. 

As Wakka trudged on, having wasted 4 hours on running up and down to a random house, only to be rudely rejected with a wooden donkey (and the quite ravenous one too!), he was none too cheery. He was still his happy self, but not cheery. There is a difference. Really! If you want to argue the differences, then BRING IT ON! Yeah you wanna fight? Nah, I didn't think so. Yeah, keep readin', s'all ya can do. Punk.

"S'cuse me?"

Oh right, story. Sorry Wakka. I just need to think of an event…

"YEEHAW FOLKS! Come on down an' get a free ride on a polar bear, for only 86069 gil a day!" came the loud voice, obviously belonging to Cid. Of course, what attracted Wakka to the site was not the Polar Bear, rare as it is to see one on a tropical island, but rather the beautiful women in bikinis. Never mind the fact it is a snow theme, or anything like that. I mean, they don't even come into play in the long run. No way. No sir-ee. 

"Hello, ladies." Wakka commented as he leaned on the Polar Bear. It seemed to tired (or dead) to stop him. "what're some beautiful girls like ya selves doin' here in Besaid, ya?" he tried his best to sound suave, but his island accent sort of prevented that. The blonde looked up first, before elbowing her friends and whispering something into their ears. Wakka hoped it was a compliment. _Unless girls dun like shirtless guys anymore…he thought to himself. He wasn't really '_in_' with the girl talk thing at the moment. _

"Oh, um, looking for some hot Besaid guys with an accent…maybe orange hair? Some stubble…"

"Oh yeah, definitely some stubble." The brunette agreed.

"Bit like yours really." The red head giggled to him. He didn't get it. 

"Oh. I'm the only guy I know 'round like dat. But, uh, I do have some friends wit' acc- ah!" he was stopped, promptly, by the large Cid, jumping from seemingly no where (even I don't know where) to surprise him. 

"YEEHAAW! Yip yi yay, didn't scare ya now did I boy?" he promptly (yes, promptly again) swung a lasso wildly around his head, like the psychotic man he was.

"Yes." 

"Good t' hear! Anyway, I'ma get straight to the point. I uncovered, this great Yevonite conspiracy, out to kill all us Al Bhed!" Cid forgot Wakka isn't an Al Bhed.

"Yeah they'll do that to ya."

"Glad to hear you're not into the whole Yevon scene anymore, by the way." Cid commented.

"The what?" Cid ignored Wakka's ignorance for the moment; after all, it was a three way trait shared between the three. The three being Wakka, Tidus and Cid, although I just added Cid because I wanted to say trio. TRIO! There. Done. 

"So what I need you to do to stop it is…pay me 14098 gil, and then do a full price ride on this polar bear too! It'll save the Al Bhed race!" Wakka stared for a moment.

"And what do I get in return?" 

Cid stared.

Wakka stared.

Cid stared.

Wakka grew angry with his staring, so stared harder. 

Cid made a sound resembling the sound between a radish squeezing in between two vinyl couches and a birthing north Bevelleian pure bred wheelbarrow rolling down a bitumen slide

 Wakka winced slightly. Didn't like that noise.

"You'd be uh…saving the Al Bhed race, Wakka." Cid said slowly.

"And…?" Wakka was quite the selfish, lonely, man.

"Oh far out, y'know those three women o' mine there? Yours for the night. Jesus almighty…" and away Cid walked mumbling something in Al Bhed.

"That's all?" 

"See Rikku over there? They drugged her with extreme sugar. More than I usually give her. I mean seriously, just look at her!" 

A while a ways stood, or rather jumped, Rikku. She jumped up and down on the spot, smiling, then frowning, smiling, then frowning, smiling then…well you get the idea. And the whole time she was saying,

"I'm happy AND ANGRY!!!" And occasionally roared and teared at the steel bars with her teeth.

Back to Wakka and Cid, and Wakka stood with the most confused look on his face.

"…the hell?"

"I take that as a yes. YEEHAAW! Come on down an' get a free ride on a polar bear, for only 86069 gil a day…"

It was to be long time before he could shave… 

END CHAPTER 1

Review and I give you more! You give, I give. Simple, my minjlings. 

YEEHAAW CMAMACHANA

ADIOS AMIGOS

That Cactuar Muse


	2. The Truth Revealed and Exploding hearts,...

Arrr, tis been a while since I've written and actually intended to post up a story. I will NOT be updating Behind The Suitcase, as I got such a lack of reviews that it didn't look like anyone really truly approved of it or cared, unfortunately. I have a knack for not finishing stories, in fact, I never have finished one except for this one I had to do for an English Assignment…but that was different. Completely different. Anyway, after this I'm thinking of another new story for the FFX-2 category which I should be starting soon, unless I get bored and I decide not to. This is very likely, as usual. Oh well, enjoy the story and sorry it took so long after all those reviews, you guys are the best! Especially if you review again. Hey, consistency in reviews really keeps me motivated.  BURN IN HELL (for safe keeping)! 

**WARNING: _The word bastard is mentioned quite a lot along with other low level (in my opinion) cuss words. Strong sexual innuendo, just because I was in the mood and felt like it. Its was either PG-13 or R, and 13 year olds already know this kinds stuff so gitoff me back!_**

**THANKS TO-**

**Alphawerewolf****-** Thanks for reviewing! You were the first. I pledge to you my first born. Of course, you have to return her/him within a moment or two. And yes, I must agree, Wakka is rather sexy. Why does everyone like Tidus? I mean, he's not bad, but where's the meat and muscles? Bah. Now, bring me that topless beast!

**Quick*silver*84084- **the razor…well, I haven't figured out what's happened to Sharky yet. As I said earlier; (or was supposed to say) I'm making this up as I go 

along. Someday maybe I'll start planning these sort of things…and thanks for reviewing! I'd give you a child, but I suppose my neighbor would be angry about that. 

**Fidin****-** Yes, I live for sound effects. Betcha couldn't tell, brick lovin' pencil smugglin' cat! Oh, speaking of cats, we ran one over yesterday on the way --- sorry,     _____ I'm losing plot. Well, thanks for reviewing bud. Here, take some underpants from the front of my school. Really, it's yours for the keeping!

**Qui-Ti-** I knew I had ONE guaranteed reviewer. Hopefully. Wish we had a cheap holiday other than the boring Queens birthday…we celebrate it on different            dates in every state! IT'S NOT EVEN HER REAL BIRTHDAY! Why celebrate the birthday of an old hag who sits in a gold throne and does nothing? And I do NOT have a goofy accent. Don't mock it, man. You're accents goofier! So ner. And yes, you are a freak as the song says, but if I had you on a leash you would've been sent far, far away by now. Adios!

**Rosie-** yes, usually my humor scares people (in a good yet disturbing way). And thank you for reviewing! I like the number five. I don't really know what to say, since I dunno how to respond to your review…so…RID YOUR CHILD OF HERPES! There. Goodbye child!

**HealerAriel****- **Aww, what a nice simple review. Unfortunately it was so simple my insane reply bank is empty, so I'll just say something random…Brock Lesnar has you're mother in a shopping cart.

**Chocobahn****- **It's nice to have somebody point out what they especially liked. Yes, it is a sad fact that so many legless children were born in the rule of Yevon. But it was their own fault, if you twist the truth and everything. Yes indeed, twist the truth, and everything works out…

**Criminally Insane Hyperactive Pirate-** WRITE? YOU WANT ME TO WRITE!? Well okay then, since you asked nicely and all I decided it wouldn't do me any harm. SO GO TO HELL!!! (my newest thang, which my mother disapproves of.) _(_**(**Don't take offense!**)**_)_

**Shaving- Not as Easy as it Seems**

Being the curious man he is, Wakka decided to walk closer to Rikku, who was currently gnawing through a steel bar of her prison. 

"Hu! Tuh'd kad hayn ran!"

Wakka continued, regardless of the screaming Al Bhed. Who could blame him? The mans voice was extremely gay. Like, the gayness shone through more than his words. Now Wakka liked to think he was an accepting man (wishful thinking), but the community of Besaid was predominantly ghetto, and gay people did not live in Besaid.

 Either that, or all those men in purple flamingo dress dancing upon a giant plastic mobile penis while gyrating their hips were only _acting _straight when he was around…Nah, they wouldn't do that to him. Anyway, back to Wakka walking towards Rikku. 

 "E fynh oui! Cra ec y tajem!" a second Al Bhed screamed desperately.

"Cra femm nyba oui!**"******

What was wrong with these Al Bhed? Didn't they realize? Wakka doesn't speak Al Bhed! Their warnings were wasted on him. Nearby Al Bhed women cried and fell to the ground from seeing someone come so close to Rikku. Weaker men covered their eyes, while the stronger finally broke down and wet their pants. Rikku finally noticed him coming near her, and magically squeezed her head through the steel bars. She tilted her head to the right, then to the left, and then did a full exorcist-style spin. 

"Bwahahahahahahahahar! Graphinicharipoogirarararererrrrrrrrrr. Nyaha."

On any other day, Wakka would've backed away quietly and avoided eye contact. But today he was feeling particularly stupid, and so he walked right up her snarling, frowning, I'm-so-crazy-i-could-take-off-your-underpants-without-having-sexy-thoughts-and-castrate-you-with-a-rusty-knife-just-for-fun face.

"Hey Rikku. How's it goin', ya?"

"Hi!"

Everyone froze. 

"Fryd dra ramm?"

Rikku glared at her kin, which is the funniest word in history. Kin. Almost as funny as the word 'shed'. But anyway, she glared at her kin. 

"All it took was for someone to be nice! And all of you just sit there on your dirty desert rat asses, givin' me the mean look! For shame! Dirty RAT BASTARDS!!"  

The Al Bheds looked away, scuffed their shoes, kicked at the dirt, kept their heads down, the basic shameful stance you get when caught doing something you shouldn't. 

"Now, now, Rikku. You're _ALL_ Rat Bastards. Let's not fight about it. Oh, by the way, what's this about a Yevon conspiracy out to kill all Al Bhed, ya?"

Rikku stared at him momentarily, but before he could get angry she looked to the ground.

"Oh! That! Lies, all lies. Sorry."

"Lies?" He was confused. And not just the normal Wakka type confusion, but general confusion. 

"But…well…duh…WHO WAS THIS LIE MADE BY!" He yelled angrily. And to think, he'd been on the brink of concern for a friend. To THINK!

Rikku's eyes shifted nervously, from side to side like that dog on The Simpsons © ™. You know the one right? Oh, screw you!

"WHO, YA!" He shook his large fist in her face. Shook it with the rage of a man on the brink of concern, shook it like a man needing a shave desperately from his razor from his adolescent days, and if he had been a raccoon, he would have been shaking it like a raccoon who had lost the black rings around its eyes! To THINK!

"Oh, can't be too sure, so many liers in the lie-y lie lie out there lieing that you'd have to lie to liers to lie your way out of a lie-on." She rambled on. 

"Every time you say that, my heart explodes! It explodes Rikku! YOU'RE MAKING IT EXPLODE! YOU RAT BASTARD!"

Rikku fell to the ground crying, sputtering out sobs every now and then like my old washing machine use to sputter soap studs. 

"Rikku, this could all be over, if you just told me, ya…" 

Rikku glared up at him suddenly, eyes burning with rage.

"Told you what? THAT I LOVE YOU? WELL I DON'T, YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE JACK!"

Everyone stared at her concernedly, except Wakka who had carefully stepped away from the brink to avoid having his heart explode. 

"Oh, sorry, wrong life. Where was I?" 

"Heart exploding, rat bastards, cage, lies, lie-on, sputtering, washing machine…" Cid dribbled on from behind the polar bear, which was obviously dead and decomposing now.

"Oh, right."

"Look Wakka, I don't know how to say this...but it was the Ravenous Wooden Donkey, okay? I just…couldn't resist the offer!"

Wakka gasped, a look of betrayal painted on his face. He wiped off the paint quickly though, and everyone realized that it was a surprised look on his face!

"What-…what did he promise you, Rikku, ya?" His thumb traced his blunt razor in his pocket the whole time.

A large amount of comments burst from the small crowd who got there by pure magic, just like at the end of FFX-2, retarded village getting on the beach so quickly…anyway, they were as follows.

World Wide Domination

Wild Wild Sex 

The Cow

Naked trucks

Small Children

Tall, yet Small Children

Small, yet Tall Children 

Big Children

Short, yet Big Children

Big, yet Small Children

Burning Children

Burning Knuckles

A Free Couch for only 170000000000 Gil

The Cat

The Cow

The Cat

The Cow

The Cow with a Hammock if you pay now by credit card (first thirty buyers only)

Your Mothers Corpse Dressed In Maggots

"No! None of those!" Rikku yelled. "Though I do need The Cow, and a hammock would be nice…hey, who said that last one!?"

No one answered.

"Rat Bastards. He promised me a Naked Truck, okay?"

Wakka looked at her in confusion. 

"I thought you said 'none of those'."

"I said no such thing!"

"Yes you did, just above us! Look, it says '"**No! None of those! Though I do need The Cow, and a hammock would be nice…**"

"Shut up. 

"Alright, back to the non existent plot, how many trucks did he promise you, ya?

"…Six…"

"YOU SOLD ME OUT FOR **SIX** NAKED TRUCKS? I'LL KILL YOU, YA!" Wakka brought Sharky out viciously, holding him above his head.

"Wakka, that knife is blunt."

"Then I'll just have to BLUDGEON YOU TO DEATH!"

"Oh please, you wouldn't dare." 

He decided he wouldn't, and went on his way to find someone to help him sharpen Sharky. Ah, beloved Sharky, so many memories…

_FLASHBACK_

Wakka: Chappu, if you don' gimmie dat magazine I'ma hurt you so bad you'll be 'fraid to be 'fraid! 

Chappu: hey, if you can look at the naked ladies, then I can too!

Wakka: You're not even 10! You don' even have enough balls to make kids, ya. No seriously, you don't, you're not old enough.

Chappu: I do too! I'll even impregnate FEMME RAVENOUS WOODEN DONKEY!

Wakka: Apart from de fact that that's impossible without sperm an' your voice hasn't even cracked, it's disgusting and disloyal to de very select family!

Chappu: Stuff the family!

And he'd promptly stabbed his younger brother's hand, making it unusable for the rest of his life. This may have been why he died…oh well. Burn in Hell.

_END FLASHBACK_

Ah, that Sharky really had kicked some butt back in the day. Stabbing innocent Gringos, threatening Yuna when she tried to heal Chappu's hand, stopping his brother from walking in the bathroom for taking so long when it was _SO_ obvious what a fourteen year old boy would be doing in there after seeing Lulu bending over to pick up her BRA and then deciding to pick up some panties as well for fifteen minutes, and... it just goes on like this! No one needs to know about the rest of his teenage years and girls bending over, especially the one that got run over by a ride-on-lawn-mower. They never did piece her body together again.

Enough of that, Lulu had to know something about shaving blades, after all, she always had smooth legs, she'd have to sharpen her razor! And besides, maybe he could get a look at her in that revealing dress. Whoa, thoughts in control Wakka, thoughts in control! 

So, off he set, TO THE MOULIN ROUGE! I mean, TO LULU'S HUT!

~*~

"Hello? Lu? Eh Lu!"

"Get in you lumbering pervert, before someone see's you!"

 She quickly threw open the cloth (which she like to call a door to sound more civilized) and ushered him in. He resented that remark; he wasn't _that_ much of a pervert. 

"Whaddaya mean 'fore someone see's me?" he questioned as he stumbled into her neat, dominatrix looking hut. 

"Everyone thinks we're having sex."

Well _that_ was quite a large surprise. Well, on his part it was. Wasn't it for you too? It was for me, I just came up with it then. What, you saw I coming? Rat bastard. Fine, go on; if you're so smart predict the rest. YEAH THAT'S RIGHT YOU CAN'T! Ya know why? Cuz I haven't even come up with the rest! This is all randomly coming up in my head! NYAH!

Wakka spat out his coffee, even though he hadn't previously had any it just somehow appeared in his mouth. Thankfully, it disappeared into thin air like most things do in stories and cartoons and video games (hint- behind the _suitcase_).

"Please refrain from doing that." Lulu asked in her graceful voice. How she does it, I dunno, but every girl wants to be able to do it.

"Not my fault. Authoresses. But anyway, why do people think we're having sex?" 

 "I have no idea." 

Wakka paused to think for a moment.

"Wait! I know why! It's _you_!"

Lulu raised an eyebrow, and lay down on her bed. Showing a generous amount of thigh isn't the smartest thing to do to a man in a room that greatly resembles that of a dominatrix. Wakka stared for a moment, before shaking his head and continuing. Stupid thigh. If he was a woman's thigh, he'd only show when needed, not when men didn't want erections, not when men were ever so obviously lusting over him, only when he was sure that they could get some sort of comfort or if they were gay. 

"It's you're constant moaning in the night, and saying "Wakka! Wakka!"! I've heard you…"

Lulu looked completely and utterly astonished, a word I haven't used for a long time.

"What the hell are you on about?"

"Hey, I've got proof. Just look at my sleeping boxers and you'll see the stains! Look at 'em!"

…

"Wakka, for one, I would never do that unless we were really having sex—"

"We're not?" Wakka asked disappointedly.

"No! And secondly, I've seen the stains, and half of them were from food and drink stains, the rest I prefer not to study. Thirdly, I'm pretty sure that moaning and such was in your dreams, that pilgrimage revealed a lot—"

"Oh yeah it did…" he drooled, remembering her victory 'dance' of sorts. Ah sharp bolt of lightning shocked him enough to get him out of his thoughts.

"And fourthly, that moaning you thought was me screaming your name was actually that crazy bearded lady next door most likely molesting some machina or some small type of pickle."

Wakka stood open mouthed.

"I DID THAT TO THE SOUND OF A THE BEARDED LADY!?"

"Afraid so."

It was another half hour before Wakka stopped vomiting behind the house.

"Feeling better?"

"Hardly, ya?" 

"Shut up. I only said it for the sake of politeness." 

Now Wakka felt depressed again.

"Anyway, why did you come here?" Wakka snapped out of his depression. Lucky man.

"For the sex."

"That was just a rumor, remember?" Lulu said warmly, almost pitying him. Almost.

"Oh. Oh, then, I guess to see if you knew where I could get Sharky sharpened?"

"Oh, Sharky's blunt?"

He nodded sadly.

"Oh, Wakka, come here." She opened her arms and let him jump in bed next to her, crying himself to sleep. This is strange because that's incredibly unlike her, and she seemed to be zipping up his pants when he woke up. He thought nothing of it; he was too tired to think. Actually, that's just an excuse, Wakka would do anything not to think. 

"Look Wakka, go see Ravenous Wooden Donkey Haters and Sex Addicts Anonymous that could help…" 

He didn't know what Sex Addicts Anonymous would have to do with Ravenous Wooden Donkey, but RWD had quite a lot of secrets…

And he set off, after a glimpse of her boobs and being smacked upside the head.

On his way out though, he could've sworn he'd heard Lulu on the phone.

_I just took a peek…yes…he was asleep…no, of course not…he wouldn't take it that way…quite large, quite large indeed…more than 8, definitely…higher, higher, no, that'd split you in half…_

And then she'd noticed he was listening and kicked him out her hut onto the dirt road again. From then on, he decided he would see the crazy place, and he set off with dirty thoughts in mind and the a sound between a radish squeezing in between two vinyl couches and a birthing north Bevelleian pure bred wheelbarrow rolling down a bitumen slide playing in his mind. 

T'was a catchy tune indeed.

Alrighty, there it is: second chapter. Took me a while. Sorry 'bout that. Don't complain to me if you haven't read the warning, 'cause if you have then there's no need to yell at me. Flames will be eaten, regurgitated and eaten again or perhaps posted in the next chapter if I get to it with many jokes I can make over time. I have all the time in the world to reply to flame, if I want to, don't think a flame will bother me in the least. Now I know there may be a few spelling mistakes but I don't have time to look over it really. If the chapter was boring, then…sorry, but this is 8 PAGES LONG! I'm tired, so goodnight and PLEASE REVIEW OR THERE WILL BE NO 3RD CHAPTER! I know I sound like a total whore, but I don't care.


End file.
